Smash and Dash No More...

Not sure if you guys saw or heard this story last week. The more I hear LenDale the more I like him.

http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090623/SPORTS01/90623050/1027/Johnson+trades+in++Dash++for++Dream+


"Smash and I'm Going to Whoop his Ass..." classic...

YouTube Video of the Week

Smoke 'Em if you Got 'Em

Got this from a buddy; had to post it. I'm not your buddah, friend! He's not your friend, guy! I'm not your guy, buddah!

Recently Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a government funded soup kitchen .

Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter: $0.00 dollars

Having Michelle Obama Serve you your soup: $0.00 dollars

Snapping a picture of a homeless person who is receiving a government funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 Black Berry cell phone: Priceless

Found this while looking through some old emails. This was sent to me by slideshow back in '06. This has got to be in your pc wallpaper rotation.

"Yep.   ...you got hippies."

YouTube Video of the Week

"Look kid. This is manipulation at its highest level, you should let me handle this."

BDW, did you delete your post, "Reasons Why the LAKERS will NOT win the title this year"? I can't seem to find it. I respectful request you repost it in its original form. Com'on, what is this, some Fascist regime? You can't go back and edit/delete a post if the actual ootcome contradicts it. I'm telling you guys, it's wrong! It's WRAWNG!

"yea, I do understand Kyle. I've been doing the wrong things for a long time. Doing things for my own selfish reasons. I just wanna do something right, you know? Just this one time."

Adam Morrison, the Mark Madsen of this Lakers Team

There should be a rule in professional sports that if you have nothing to do with the success of the team you're on, you don't get the accolades. Plain and simple. Adam Morrison, chosen 3rd overall in 2006 where a few months prior he was crying over a loss, hasn't played a single second in these playoffs and averaged 1.3 points this year for the Lakers.  

He's getting a ring. 

Or as El Guerito's main man Stuart Scott would say, "The boy's getting his vitamins!" 

Traded along with Shannon Brown from Charlotte partly because he couldn't handle the expectations of being the 3rd overall pick (coach Larry Brown's words not mine), Morrison was Jordan's first pick at his new job back in 2006.

Do you remember when Jordan had to sell his share of the Washington Wizards in order to play as a Wizard? When he retired again and headed back to the office they gave him the pink slip. Now, I have no idea why Jordan was let go but the man is a HORRIBLE judge of talent. Kwame Brown, Adam Morrison...

Lastly, how does one justify the career of Mark Madsen??? In 9 season's in the NBA he has averaged 2.2 points a game and 2.6 rebounds per game. Good free throw shooter? No, 52.7% from the charity stripe. Excellent defender? Hell no, .3 steals a game and .2 blocks a game. Ah! He's a distributor. Please, .4 assists per game. It's not like he's not getting the minutes to bump some stats. He's averaging 11.48 minutes per game for his career! That's more than enough minutes to try and make as much of an impact you possibly can (think Sasha Vujacic). Not Madsen though, he's content to run up and down the court doing jack SHIT. Put in ANYBODY from a random YMCA gym for the exact same minutes and you can't do worst. Nine seasons. Nine fucking seasons. 

Oy vey.

Riot Training Excersise Conducted In East L.A. After Lakers Go 3-1 On Magic

Gotta love the commitment by Laker fans. In true BDW fashion, some Laker fans have crowned the team before they even win the thing by sacrificing the suspension systems of two innocent vehicles whose only crime was to stop at a red light.  They didn't tip the vehicles over or set them on fire (or stab the person next to them in the stomach) which could indicate that this was all a practice run in anticipation of Sunday night.

L.A. doesn't drink milk after the big win. That's just silly. They destroy public and private property. 

Pete Carroll

Just do what he do baby...

http://uscnews.usc.edu/university/pete_carroll_inspires_the_armed_forces.html

This is a must read for ...doing work contributors and readers. Even Coach will appreciate this. I have had the privilege of hearing Carroll speak on two occasions, the most recent aboot 2 months ago. Carroll just brings it every time. Always compete and win forever. Sho!

SELL! SELL! SELL!

Just a quick post this morning. Why is the sky falling in LA all of a sudden? Kobe is old; the wear of such a long season and tough playoff series finally caught up to them; their energy can't match the youth and vigor of a now much hungrier and talented Magic team playing with nothing to lose.

Enough with the panic already. The media and fan mood swings on the Lake Show throughoot the playoffs have been well documented but this one is beyond over-reacting. Who doesn't want to see a tighter series? Honestly, I'd much prefer to watch game 4 at 2-1 instead of a throw-away game if it was 3-0. Even at 3-1, I still think Lakers come oot flat which is why I called LAL in 6. But you listen to both national and local radio and read the LA Times and good lord, this team fell off a cliff. Stars rise to the occasion; add a little more fire to KOBE! then stand back and enjoy the show ladies and gentlemen.

In closing, I'll borrow a line from Warren Buffet who got it from his mentor Billy Graham, errr, I mean Ben Graham, the godfather to the lineage of most succesful investors ever: "Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful." KOBE!

BDW, you are the most interesting man in the world

Things That Piss Me Off

A few days after the inception of ….Doing Work! I felt the calling for this post.  Since then, I’ve kept a list waiting to refine it.  It has only grown since then.  Hopefully it provides some laughter at the minutiae we encounter in everyday life as we try to carry on, minding our own fucking business.

In no particular order of pissing me off. 

1.     Taco Bell sauce naming confusion.  As part of his daily dinner routine at various eateries around town, a humble El Guerito pulls forward politely following instructions from the Taco Bell attendant.  When asked if I’d like any sauce, I resist the urge to blurt out, “A huevo!” but rather ask for mild and medium, based on the Geneva Convention approved mild-medium-hot scale and not wanting to waste time as I’m already missing the start of Kobe Doin’ Work, not the anti-climatic dull Spike Lee film, but Kobe Doin’ Work in the 2009 playoffs.

Attendant: “You mean mild and hot?”

El Guerito: “No, mild and medium please”

-       “We don’t have medium”

-       “Ok, just give me middle one”

-       “You mean hot?”

-       “No, the one in between.”

-       “Yea, that’s what I said, hot”

-       “Is that the middle one?”

-       “Yes”

-       “What about medium?”

-       “It goes mild, hot, fire” 

Fire!  What the fuck, when did fire show up!  And, why did you wait until I made an ass of myself to tell me?!  I pop the clutch and scurry out of there.  I didn’t know I needed a Ph.D in Rhetoric to get my otherwise delicious dinner.

2.     Replay or non-essential footage while missing part of the live action.  I watch a lot of sports.  Too much.  I’ll watch the re-broadcast at midnight just so I have background noise while I read.  But this one never fails to piss me off.  I don’t give a shit what B-list actors are sitting courtside and the less sideline reporters the better, unless of course it’s Erin Andrews in tighter and tighter sweaters…I don’t want to miss another key in-bound pass, quick set play coming off a time-oot, first-pitch line-drive double or other critical game action.  This amateurism has got to stop.  I don’t care if I can simply wait for the replay, it’s a matter of principle.  Fix it!  As Basher would say, “you tossers! you had one jaub to do!”  Show me the live game.

3.      Gatorade G2.  Tastes horrible.  Why Gatorade felt the need to change its flavor, I’ll always wonder.

4.      Motion sensor faucets.  Never matches my routine.  Good idea, horrible execution.

5.      Carne asada burritos with rice and beans or any served in the greater LA area and Bay Area. 

6.      Reggie Miller’s voice.  Blow your nose already.

7.      Slow ass news scroll bars.  Does everyone read at a third grade level nowadays?  CNN, speed it up already!

8.      Jack’s spicy chicken when they forget to add the cheese.  The cheese, like KFC original chicken skin, is the best part.  This absolutely crushes my soul.  It invalidates my good mood leading up to the run.

9.      Full verga underwear ads in magazines.  Minding my own business flipping thru Men’s Health, just finished reading my favorite column, “Ask Jimmy the Bartender” (really good stuff.  I recommend going thru it online) when I see this.  Look, I’m all for having comfortable underwear but I don’t need a full spread to convince me for designer threads.  Solution:  throw in Adriana Lima to subliminally influence me.

10.   Excessive ice in my drive-thru soda. It should be assumed you only fill the cup with the minimally required ice so I’m not drinking syrup.  I can’t remember to suggest this every time.  I need your help.

11.   Radio commercials simultaneously for all the morning sports talk shows.  When this happens, I switch to my CD’s and don’t switch back.  I need a contrarian producer who isn’t afraid to deviate.  I can’t be the only one in the 110 parking lot who feels this way. 

12.   Soccer aggregate scoring.  I’m sure there’s a strategic purpose I could just call a random Quintero to explain…

13.   All intersection lights are red at the same time.  It’s 2am coming back from jack-in-the-box run.  This isn’t for a second or two, but enough to realize it’s not normal.  Is the computer re-booting?  Is Chloe using it’s bandwidth to track terrorists loose in Manhattan Beach?  Does the city want to reduce speeding?  Just make them all flash so at least I can work on my 0-60 reaction time.  Luckily I have yet to unwrap my cheese-less jack’s spicy chicken sandwich so my mood is civically cooperative.

14.   German license plates on old, piece of shit cars.  German license plates are cool.  The design, shape, and aggressively bold character font all very cool.  Just like technology advancement has made TV’s wider, it looks better than the square U.S. plates.  On an Audi R8 or BMW M5, awesome.  On your 1991 Mercedes C-class, not so much.  

15. Censorship:  do I get offended when The Economist drops fuck in print? No.  Why the library feels the pressing need to block facebook on its wi-fi is beyond me.  I am 25 years old damnit!  I guess facebook one minute, hardcore porn the next.  It’s only logical.

16. The Indianapolis 500 and the drinking milk tradition.  It’s not Americana; it’s just gross.  I can’t think of any sport becoming more irrelevant than Indy car racing.  No one outside Indianapolis could name you a driver other than “ that chick Diana, err, Dana, err Patricia.  NASCAR has completely blown past you in every way.  Better drivers, better marketability, better product.  Danica Patrick switching over?  Haha, good luck racing the 48, Smoke and Kyle Busch.

 

This next section is heavy on espn. If you’re a disappointed viewer who longs for the Kenny Mayne, Dan Patrick, Rich Eisen, Keith Olbermann era, read on and enjoy. (and Ben, I am referring to you specifically here.)

17.   STUART SCOTT.  Get him off the air immediately or implement a strict quote on hip hop/urban references, effective now.  These are verbatim quotes from a broadcast this spring.  These are not compiled from an hour-long show, THESE WERE ALL FROM THE SAME GAME HIGHLIGHT! 

a.     “Welcome to burger king where you can have it your way but don’t get craaaaaaazy”.  Not the first time I’ve heard this gem.  What is he even trying to articulate here?  

b.     “Boy gets his vitamins”

c.     “Have some! (was once tolerable if used very sporadically but all the aforementioned former top anchors, would constantly come oot with new stuff)

d.     “Take 15 for recess”.  First time you called halftime recess was ok.  The other 39,569, not so much. 

e.     “Redunkulous” (later shortened to “redunk” because as you know, Stuart Scott is just that hip)

f.      “Gynormous”

g.     I rest my case. 

18.   While I’m on SportsCenter, let me keep rolling:  Anchor-specific personal connections.  Stuart Scott-North Carolina, Van Pelt-Maryland.  Stuart, you are not part of the highlight.  I don’t give a shit that you went to Chapel Hill.  I just don’t.  Van Pelt, is Cal Ripken Jr still playing?  Then, shut the hell up.  The Terps are the redheaded stepchild of the ACC.  Stick to golf where you excel.  Linda Cohn-Mets?  I’m ok with this, mainly because being a Mets fan is asking for pity. 

a.     Note:  Neil Everett-Hawaii/Oregon State.  No change required.  It’s funny because Oregon State is so random.  What has Oregon State done outside of a Thursday football game last years and that baseball title a few years back?  No one knows where the hell Corvallis is anyway.  His quirkiness with solid writing is good because he knows what he is and doesn’t try to come off as ultra-suave or cool like most of the others.

19.   User interactive features on espn:  a scroll of fan comments during live games.  I first saw this during mid-week espn2 college football games.  I don’t remember if they rolled it oot during the weekends, but this is a virus that must be stopped immediately.  It’s like a pop-up on your TV that can’t go away.  “Cardsfan4life1989: Louisville really needs to convert this first down.”  Thanks espn producer for this remarkable analysis.  I can hear you saying, “Guerito, just ignore it.”  Impossible. When we’ve been trained to maximize every corner of the screen for game info (score, down/distance, timeoots left, baserunners, pitch speed, etc) and don’t read but simply react, it’s a refined skill we just can’t turn off.

20.   Chatty Barber that I haven’t met before.  Keep conversations to the weather, sports, and maybe the disaster of the local real estate market.  Anything more personal, especially since I’m not a regular at this place, just makes me uncomfortable.  If you must talk and I feel compelled to respond, don’t stop cutting my hair!  All the good ones have got this magical rhythm down perfectly.  Clip, clip, Rivers is going to have another great year, clip, clip…if Merriman comes back healthy, watch oot…clip, clip… 

21.   Unchanged Linens at hotels intra-stay.  We’re paying good money per every night.  Don’t make the default choice unchanged sheets!  If you want to present your corporate image as more environmentally friendly, then don’t have 38 towels ready when I clearly told you it’s only one person! Fuck.

22.   Prius HYBRID or NGV (natural gas vehicle) big letters on the back of the car, like I give a shit.  Reminds me every time of Gerald Bravsolsky in Smug Alert.  Do I prance around waving a V-8 flag at stoplights?  No.  I expect you to behave accordingly and get oot of my way while you’re at it.  I’ve got horses to let loose. 

23.   Overuse of double negatives to make you sound smarter.  Stop it.  There are appropriate times and context when this makes sense, but you clearly haven’t figured it oot so don’t try.

24.   New York Times subscription commercials.  Such condescending bastards, completely smug.  If you haven’t seen them, you’ll know what I mean next time.  You are not a better person because you read it daily and I don’t.  Plus, you were only saved from bankruptcy by Carlos Slim’s shark loan so get off your fucking high horse.  

25.   In-n-Oot’s custom ordering cult following. E.g. The infamous 4x4 or more.  It seemed cool the first time you heard aboot it a decade ago.  If you must, do it once just to say you did it and impress your girlfriend’s teenage brother, but dude, you’re in your mid-20’s now, it’s not cool anymore.

Phew! Glad I got that off my chest.

Gold Nugget From Dad

"..les dicen Hamas por que jamas van a ganar."

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

I may be wrong for this post but I was reading an article of the four people who barely missed being on doomed flight 447 when I stumbled upon this paragraph:

"It feels miraculous and sad at the same time," said Amina Benouargha-Jaffiol, who tried to get on the flight Sunday night, even enlisting a diplomat friend to try to pressure Air France to let her and her husband on.

Wow! Tried to use connections to get on the plane. If they went to the lengths of calling a diplomat friend (on a Sunday no less) to try and get them on the flight you KNOW they were COMPLETE assholes to whoever was working the gates.

It's unfortunate these two douche-bags didn't make flight 447. 

Y La Palabra Dice...

"When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him." - Deu 18:22

Reasons Cleveland will NOT win the title this year

In anticipation of the start of the NBA Finals Thursday at 9pm eastern/6pm pacific (how many more times do we have to hear Mike Tirico's promotion?), I thought I'd try to break it down a little bit.

1. Their home crowd won't be as loud this series.
2. Their bench will have a hard time getting quality minutes.
3. Their inexperience in big games will finally start to manifest itself.
4. LeBron will not set up his role players as easily.
5. LeBron will struggle getting inside the paint (but can get inside staples center with a valid game ticket, zing!)

addendum: Sorry BDW, but the divorce rate is around 50% in the U.S. So, flip a coin. Those were your odds entering the relationship.