After a couple of inconveniences took place today I felt the need to send BDW a text message in my slight fit of rage. The thesis to my message was this, we need vulgarity back and we need it now. See, since God and I broke up I have taken the time to reflect on our relationship and focus on the better things that we shared. Even though things didn't work out, it doesn't mean we have to relegate ourselves to petty bickering and avoiding each other at all costs. I already have an ex-girlfriend for that. Instead, why not use our failed relationship as a stepping stone towards bettering the world around us? While we were together I took a lot of things for granted, but this one stands out the most. As Christians we have a higher calling in regards to morality. Our calling is so much higher than everyone else's that we demand that everyone live by our moral standards, see: gay marriage. Included in our righteousness is a fairly strict guideline for what you can and cannot say. In short, you can enslave people of a particular race for hundreds of years until your government decides it's illegal, but you even think of murmuring the f-word and you might as well jump on orbitz and purchase your own ticket to hell. Are these rules a little ridiculous? Sure, but it doesn't hurt anyone to refrain from using dirty language. Which brings me back to my thesis. See, when it was bad to cuss or use swear words, those words meant something. They maintained the ability to make something very miniscule seem emphatic, they made the hair on your neck stand up and they sent a chill down your spine. Cuss words had power. Now they're so watered down that they no longer have any power or meaning. The strongest of cuss phrases have been minimized by the likes of Paris and Perez Hilton. The example I gave BDW was this, imagine you're in a bar (or ice cream parlor for those who don't sin) and there's a man in there that's probably on his 8th or 9th round of cookies n' cream (we'll just stick with one). As he sits there he's talking, to no one in particular, about how he just got laid off, his house lost 60 per cent of it's value, his car got repoed and of course, his wife left him. At the very end of his diatribe he utters the words "Fuck my life." Immediately you get the chill down your spine and hairs begin to rise. You're powerless as you grab the clerk by the shirt lapel and say "give that man another double scoop of cookies n cream and put it on my tab." Coming from the bowels of this poor man's tormented soul, these words meant something. Now unfortunately, these same powerful words have been diminished to the point where they are expressed simply as "fml". Not 30 seconds later two peroxide blondes come stumbling into the parlor asking for half a scoop of ultra light yogurt that they're going to split between the two of them, as they wait for the clerk who is still un ruffling his shirt from the near-strangling you just gave him, you hear one air-headedly express to the other one "Like, OMG I didn't hear my alarm clock this morning and I overslept by like 10 effing minutes. I was like totally stressing out because I thought I was going to be late to my waxing appointment and I was like seriously, fml. like." . . . . "omg really?". . . . "Like yeah!"
To answer your question, no, this doesn't end in someone strangling the two peroxide blondes to death. My dissertation, however, ends with this: we need Christ back in our lives. Not for salvation and believe it or not, not for money either, we need Christ just so that cuss words can mean something again.
Slideshow @ 9 years of age: Jesus died on the cross to save mankind.
ReplyDeleteSlideshow @ 13 years of age: Jesus died on the cross for our sins and by his blood we were healed.
Slideshow @ 16 years of age: Jesus died on the cross to correct the sins of Adam & Eve.
Slideshow @ 19 years of age: Jesus died on the cross because he didn't have a safety word.
Slideshow @ 26 years of age: Jesus died on the cross so that we can alter the course of any conversation with an F-bomb.
I disagree with Slideshow on this one. Cussing and swearing is a language, complete with its own unique sets of sounds. Like a foreign language, it's hard to become good at it because of these unique sounds. They aren't present in your native language so you spend your entire life ignoring these sounds. Pretend what i just wrote is true, this would mean Jesus Christ is the training wheels on the cussing bicycle, masking incompetent, petulant, users by magnifying their words because they heavily contrast their beliefs. It's like stage magic. We are so startled by this contrast that we ignore the fact that he has an accent in cussing.
The perez/paris hiltons of the world and peroxide blondes don't subscribe to the Saviour therefore their poor use of this language is blaring and detrimental to the culture of cussing. (think the mexican guy standing in line at an Electronics store recommending "sprang-wire" to someone to battle viruses on a computer)It's the blind leading the blind.
Thank (God?) for Samuel L. Jackson. His "mother-fucker" sings to my soul like no other.
We don't need Jesus to fix our love of vulgarity, all we need is a copy of Pulp Fiction!
Very good points, delivery, timing, emphasis these are the things that make cussing so great. So scrap the whole Jesus thing? I already had ministers lining up at the door!
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ReplyDeleteSo I sat at work mulling this over for hours (como no trabajo), and after much deliberation I decided that I can't, in good conscience, agree with you BDW. Main reason, I Fucking hate Pulp Fiction. Why on Krishna's green earth would I scrap my Jesus theory because of some movie that I can't even bare to watch? More importantly, movies like Pulp Fiction, Boondock Saints etc. are part of the reason we are so desensitized to begin with. Seriously, I was tapping out after the 500th person got slaughtered in the 2nd minute of Saints. You'd think this constant violence would cost me hours of sleep, but on the contrary, I couldn't make through half of either film without falling asleep. Now I know you'll think me an inglorious bastard for saying this, but everything in Tarantino films is so overdone it loses its effect. The price point on cost is always going to be dependent on the supply and demand curve, and in films like these the supply is so overly abundant that the demand inevitably hits zero. I'm going with quality versus quantity on the use of cuss words, so help me Daphne.
ReplyDeleteP.S. If you ever make a Samuel L. Jackson suggestion like that again I will lose all respect for you.
To group Pulp Fiction and Boondock Saints together just tells me that you just don't get it, and it's downright insulting to me.
ReplyDeletePulp Fiction revived acting careers, won 42 awards at 32 different Film Academies & Film Festivals, and cemented a directing legacy in Quentin Tarantino. I'm not trying to talk you into giving this movie a second chance. You clearly don't get it and have since convinced yourself it's not worth another look. That's fine, it's the losing respect for one another simply over tastes in films that concerns me.
Boondock Saints is a crime against humanity. The movie didn't win a single award due largely to the fact that it wasn't nominated for a single award. As for the director, Troy Duffy, it's the only movie he's ever made, with the exception of Boondock Saints 2. (which sadly comes out this year) He almost got shutdown in the first movie because he was throwing fits about not getting the actors he wanted. Keep in mind months before this he was bar-tending. It was 1998, he didn't know anything about the business, the DVD format was fairly new, and two Jewish guys named Weinstein forgot to include dvd royalties in his contract. The idiot Duffy not knowing about DVD's didn't think twice. The movie opened in only a few cities and flopped. A year later blockbuster can't keep the DVD on the shelf which raked in a lot of cash -to the Weinstein brothers, Duffy never saw a penny. But i digress, the movie is garbage.
Movies are a lot like the game of football. Depending on your knowledge level, you enjoy it differently. The average fan sees a handoff to LaDanian Tomlison and he rips it off for 35 yards. They go buy an LT jersey. Someone who's studied or played the game sees the same play differently. They see the QB read the defense and change the play on the line, the ball is snapped. They notice as the QB drops back to hand the ball to LT that the left guard pulled to the right to open a hole, that LT burst through for a 35 yard gain.
Watching a movie is the same. While the average movie goer is watching people getting slaughtered on the battlefield, someone who's studied film is impressed by how the director got it all in one fluid shot. Every director has their own signature, a good director that is. Others, like Troy Duffy, have no talent and rip off from others. They're really not the same slideshow, just need to look closer.
P.S. I hate 90% of Samuel Jackson's movies as much as the next guy, but the man was born to say "mother-fucker"
P.S.S. We should start a Great American Cussers Post. Overall, i got to give it to D.L. Hughley
BDW, nice work breaking cinema down like that especially with the football analogy. I was getting my fingers itchy waiting to trash both movies, even though I remember very little about Pulp Fiction except that I didn't like it and Coach hyped up Booncock, I mean Boondock, Saints so much I was expecting the Godfather; I didn't have the guts to say I wasn't liking the movie until about 70% in, I just tried so hard not to disappoint.
ReplyDeleteBut then I read your post and meekly decided against it. You are the movie connoisseur; I am merely an apprentice. I choose my battles accordingly. Put differently, I could just hear you scripting the 42 awards at THIRTY-TWO! film festivals with the same vigor as wings marinated for TWO DAYS!!! ...how does one compete with this? one doesn't.
oh and for curse words, I nominate Katt Williams for delivery on bitch, bitches or any derivative thereof.
ReplyDeletee.g. A Haters job is that hate, let them do they job, so let 'em hate! Let'em stand back there and say my hair don't look luxurious when you know it is bitch!
Sorry BDW, have to respeckfully disagree with you again. See, heres the difference, LT busts oot a 35 yard run and the bottom line is what? He just gained 35 yards in one play. While the Guard pulling, the tight end cracking and the QB dropping back are all relevant, the statistic reads, 35 yrd gain 1 carry. Movies don't have this because they are clearly a subjective feature. I might find Hot Fuzz hilarious while you find it ...eh funny, and you might think Soul Plain is hilarious and I don't really feel it. There is no clear cut 35 yard gain equivalent. I can appreciate all the behind the scenes work that goes into making a film, but that in itself wont make me like it. To make a stronger analogy, take cuisine, tamales, more specifically. The last two holidays I've thrown down with my mom in the kitchen helping her make tamales cause I like them so much, having been there I am more aware of the hard work that goes into making these husk wrapped gifts from god. Now I can explain the whole process to you and you might even appreciate the labor that goes into it, but that doesnt mean you'll like them. Whether or not you like them is based on your own taste buds, not my hard work. Does this mean you dont "get" tamales, no, you simply dont like them.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time i HATED green enchiladas. After helping my mom make them i absolutely LOVE THEM. Food can be different. You're putting foreign objects into your body. Understanding what goes into making a dish makes you more willing to try it.
ReplyDeleteCan we NOT stray from the point here?
42 AWARDS!!! to not a single nomination for boondock saints. You don't like both movies, fine, i can live with that. Just don't group them together.
Black asshole.
P.S. My mom's tamales beat the shit out of your mom's tamales.
Fine, maybe it was a bad comparison but you can't blame me, they both have cult followings and they both are in Coach's top 2 all time so forgive me for assuming there's a link. Secondly, I recommend we try each other's mom's tamales before we take this any further cause I've gotten more than one person to utter the words "best I ever had" after having my mom's tamales. I totally wanted to throw some sexual innuendo in there, but we're talking about our moms so I'm staying away from that.
ReplyDeleteI've tried you're aunts tamales. (not tia nedi but the one married to that 70's pornstar). They almost turned me off to tamales. This Christmas you get a dozen if i get a dozen. Better yet. Christmas at cho place. We'll have a tamale-off!
ReplyDeleteHey guys, your writing is both intriging and hillarious at the same time, thanks for making my evening! In enjoyed reading your blogs.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I agree with BDW, our mother's tamales do beat all!! :)